?

Log in

My favorite food is cake!

Now that I am a queen! I get to eat cake all of the time! Here are some of the cakes that I get to eat:




And this!



And this!



And also this!



And this too!



Oh boy! That is a lot of cakes. Now I am just hungry from looking at them all. Aren't they so delectable? Delectable is a big word which means that something is delicious! Technically though delectable is ten letters and delicious is nine letters so it is not that much bigger. It is just more rarely used which makes it more challenging vocabulary.

Sometimes the cook will make me little tiny cakes. These are called cupcakes because they are cooked in cups.

Here are some cupcakes for you!







How delectable!

You cake make cakes that look like other things. For instance, here is a cake that looks like a baby!



And here is a baby who is eating some cake!




You can't eat that, though! Because it is a baby.

When I was a chicken, we didn't get to eat cake! Nobody ever gives any cake to chickens. Instead, they make you eat this:



It is called chicken feed! It is a lot of different kinds of grains and seeds all mixed up together. But people can't eat it because it will break your teeth! That is how crunchy it is!

If you are a person and you think you would like to eat chicken feed, you would probably like to eat this:



Or this:



If you eat that bottom one, it can break your teeth, too! It says it is grapes and nuts but there aren't grapes or nuts in the box. It is very funny that way.

One other crunchy thing that chickens eat but that people don't is this:



Do you know what that is? It is an oyster shell! An oyster is an animal who lives under the water and sometimes he makes pearls. The rest of the time people like to eat him deep fried or raw with a little cocktail sauce or lemon juice. I don't like when people eat animals but oysters look less like animals and more like blobs of jelly so it doesn't bother me as much. Also, when I was a chicken I ate worms and bugs, so I don't think those really count as animals.

Do you know why we eat oyster shells? The farmer grinds them up and puts them into our feed because they have something called calcium in them! Calcium is what makes our eggs have shells! We eat the oyster shells and mix them all up in our tummies and then out come the eggs!

There is another thing we eat too!



I bet you know what that one is, right? Except maybe you live in a magical place that has no rocks! But I don't know what that place is. If you live in that place, then you don't know what this is and it is called gravel which is also very little rocks!

This will really break people teeth! Or you can try to swallow it whole but maybe you will choke. That would be sad.

It is lucky that chickens don't have teeth! Except if we did have teeth, we wouldn't have to eat gravel. When chickens eat gravel, it is called "grit." Yummy!

When chickens eat food, it all goes into a magic pouch called a crop. This is not a pouch like a purse that you wear on the outside. It is a pouch on the inside, sort of like your tummy. Then it goes into another spot called your gizzard! When it is in your gizzard, the grit helps you chop all the food up just like teeth do! And then you can eat it for real.

It was really hard the first time I was a person because people kept giving me things to eat and we don't have chewing when you are a chicken so I just kept trying to put the whole thing in my mouth and that was bad! Once I put in a whole cupcake and I choked so much. But I kept trying and I got much better at people eating!

And now you know how chickens eat the end!
People think mostly that chickens can't fly! This is a good guess because chickens usually have nice places to live with fences around them and they don't get out.

But really! Chickens can fly!

Here is a picture of a chicken who is flying:



I don't know that chicken personally. It is just one from the internet. But look! We can fly!

The truth is, we can't fly very high. We can fly about as high as kittens:



Or babies:



Babies need help to fly, though! They do not fly on their own. You have to say the magic words and go "Upsie-daisy!" and throw them into the air and then the babies go "Wheeeee!" and then they fall back down. Babies don't even fly on their own if you put them in a costume of something that flies like an eagle or a flying monkey. Here is a baby who is dressed like a flying monkey:



Even that baby cannot fly! Quelle Surprise!

"Quelle Surprise" are some words in another language. Where I come from, that language is called Aquitainean, but where you come from, it's called French. It means "What a surprise!" French is a funny word because it reminds me of finches. Who can fly. Here is a baby finch:



Doesn't that just make you want to laugh and laugh all day? I know it makes me want to!

So it is important to remember that sometimes when you are thinking of chickens or kittens you might be thinking of them walking but they could really be flying. Walking is okay too though and I like to walk. The best place to walk is to Narnia!

The easiest way to get to Narnia is to go into my wardrobe! You just walk in and keep going and going and going and then you get into a forest and there is Mr. Tumnus there!

This is what my wardrobe looks like:



Isn't it pretty? I bet you would never guess that inside it is a magical land! First there are a lot of dresses in it. The mice and the birds like to make me dresses all the time so it is pretty full of dresses and did you know that it never gets full? That is why it is magic! There is always more space no matter how much you fill it up.

But if you get inside it and keep walking and walking and walking, suddenly there aren't any clothes, there are just trees instead!

Oh boy! And then you get to a magic lamppost! It looks like this:



We don't have lampposts yet where I am from, so that is what we call an "anachronism." "Anachronism" is a big word that means "Things that don't belong in the time period where you are seeing them!" So for example if you see James Fenimore Cooper riding on a spaceship, that is an anachronism! But James Fenimore Cooper riding on a horse, that would not be an anachronism. Seeing a horse on a spaceship is not an anachronism, but it is highly implausible.

So anyway then you walk to Narnia! And it is there! The best thing about Narnia is that when you are there, time goes a lot faster so you can sneak away and have a whole nice picnic to yourself and even throw a big party that goes on for many days and then you come back and no one will have missed you. That is nice when you are Queen because when you are Queen there is so much Queening to do that sometimes there is just no time for cake!

So then you see Mr. Tumnus. He has a little house. He is a faun. Fauns are not the same as fawns which are this:



Those are baby deers!

A faun is a person who has a people body and then horns and then goat legs and feet! It is sort of like me where I have a people body and then donkey ears!

Here is a statue of a faun:



That is not Mr. Tumnus even though he got turned into a statue one time by a wicked Queen! That is just a real statue that was always a statue. Because fauns don't have cameras yet so a picture of a faun would be an anachronism. It is funny how they have a street light but not a camera!

Mr. Tumnus makes the best tea. We drink a lot of tea and it all tastes like flowers. Also there are more talking animals and not just animals that I can talk to because I am special, but animals that normal not-special people can talk to. It is very exciting and the woods are very pretty to walk in especially now that there is no evil witch! The evil witch was scary! She wore white all the time and made it snow and gave people Turkish Delight all the time.

Turkish Delight isn't scary! It is a delicious candy that is covered in sugar and it is often pink and tastes like roses like this:



So you can imagine that I would like it an awful lot! It is pink and tastes like flowers. But when that mean witch started giving it to people it made me so sad I couldn't eat it at all! Isn't that terrible?

Oh so walking! Yes. You do that with your feet and you can walk all around Narnia except for the part that is water and then you have to take a boat like the Dawn Treader and that is the end!

Look everyone!

I found out that there is a special place on the internet just for talking about how wonderful I am!

cultgeoffpepita

Oh and also about a very special young man who used to carry me under his arm and feed me little bits of corn when I was a chicken! He was very handsome for a human if I recall!
Hello everyone! Today I got a new friend! He is a badger!

Badgers look like this:



And here is a lady with a hat that looks like a badger with some other people with hats that look like badgers and she has a cake!



Doesn't that look delicious? I think so!

But those aren't my badger friends. My badger friend wears a little coat and spectacles and he has some friends who are a rat and a mole and a toad!

But that isn't about reversing anything or not reversing anything. Instead I would like to tell you about geeses!

Geeses are not always the bird kind of geese like this:



Because that is a goose and the plural is geese, not geeses!

Geeses are also a kind of evil curse!

When you are a fairy there are a lot of kinds of magic you can do! I can't do any magic because I am half human and humans don't do magic except in very special cases like if they are wizards or from another universe! But now that I am Queen of the Fairies, I have a lot of friends who can do magic for me and I have to learn all about it.

So the first kind of magic which is the most usual kind is called "glamourie." Glamourie is the kind of magic where you make things look like other things!

So for example say if you wanted to make a bunny look like it had horns like a jackalope which is an animal that is not real but people like to say it is, that would be glamourie.

And that would look like this:



But it would not actually BE a jackalope! It would be a bunny that looked like it has ears.

Glamourie wears off especially if the thing that has the glamourie on it touches iron! Iron is anathema to fairies. "Anathema" is a big word that means "Something that other things don't like an awful lot." So when iron touches something that is all glamoured up, it stops being glamoured up! And it just goes back to normal!

But then there is also fayerie, which is the kind of magic where something actually turns into another thing! That is really exciting magic. So for example if I had a bunny and I wanted to make it a puppy, then it wouldn't be a bunny anymore, it would be a puppy like this:



But instead you could also make your bunny just LOOK like a puppy, and then it would be glamourie!

Fayerie is more tricky and iron doesn't always make it go back! You usually have to find the person who made the fayerie to turn it back because they are the only one who can do it. Sometimes if the person who did the fayerie dies, then all the fayeries they did go back to the normal way they used to be!

But then there are geeses! Geeses are the very worst and most powerful magic and we also call them curses!

A geese is a kind of magic that someone puts on you where there are certain things you can't do and if you do them, you will die. So for example you could get a geese where someone could never eat cake and that would be sad or a geese where they could not wear pink and that would also be sad or maybe one where they could not hug kittens and this would be sad too!

Then if someone tried to do those things they would just drop dead just like that or maybe something else bad would happen to them! I have a friend who has a geese on her. It was so confusing when she got it because I thought they said she was bitten by a goose but then someone explained to me and it was all better. She can't go out in sunlight though because it makes her start bleeding everywhere and that is bad. And there is nothing she can do to make the geese go away and even the man who put it on her can't take it off it is that powerful!

Once there was a very famous man who had TWO geeses. His name was Cu Chulainn which might sound like a funny name to you and it is because it means "Culann's doggie."

Here is a picture of him:



Here is another picture of him but I don't think it is very good:



I think the other one is much better! That one is just silly because real people don't have muscles on top of their other muscles! Also a metal skirt looks real uncomfy!

His real name was Setanta which is a lot less silly but then he got attacked by a doggie that belonged to a man named Culann and he killed the doggie which I don't usually like but I don't think he liked it either! But he had to because of the attacking. It was a really mean dog. But then Culann needed a new doggie so he made Setanta be his doggie and that is how he got that name!

Anyway Cu Chulainn had two different geeses on him!

So that is Cuchulain and he had TWO geeses! At the same time! One of them meant he wasn't allowed to eat doggie meat, which I think would be an okay geese to have because I don't think it's very nice to eat meat from animals. And also who could eat a doggie? Doggies are so cute!

The other one he had was that he had to eat anything a lady gave him to eat! So that meant it didn't matter what she gave him, he had to eat it, even if it was icky foods like asparaguses. That would be a horrible geese I think because some people are just not good cooks. Or what if someone offered you some glass and rocks for dinner? Or food that looked like poo? Here is a picture of a baby eating food that looks like poo:



That is a cute baby but some icky food!

So then there were the geeses and can you guess just what happened? I bet you can! There was a lady who offered him some dog meat to eat! So poor Cu Chulainn! He had such a big choice! Either way he would lose his powers because either way he had to break a geese!

So he ate the meat the lady gave him and it didn't kill him but it made him very weak so then a bad guy came and killed him and that was really sad!

But do you know what? He was so magic and such a big hero that even after he was dead and the bad guy had cut his head off, there was a magic light that appeared and he cut off the bad guy's hand! Even when he was dead and everything!

Then one of Cu Chulainn's friends went and killed the bad guy and also his horsie helped by taking a big bite right out of him! Hooray for horsies although I don't think that tasted very good at all.

That is the end! I hope you enjoyed my story!

Hello this is a post about horsies!

Look at all these things I found!

First is is a baby dressed up as a horsie!



Then it is another baby dressed up as a horsie!



Isn't that just the best? But do you know what is even better than the best?

LOOK IT IS A HORSIE DRESSED UP AS A PRINCESS!



And here is another horsie in a costume! This one is a lammykins!



Wow I would never have thought of dressing up a horse to look like a thing. Those people are just the smartest.

Look at this!

Oh my goodness!

Do you see this castle?



It is a castle! But it is not a castle you can live in because it is really a cake!

Maybe if you are a mouse you could live in it. But it is a cake and you can eat it!

I would like to eat this cake!
Hello! Now I will tell you a story about when I was a chicken and there was another Queen I knew.

The Queen I knew she was called the Queen of Hearts. I think she was very important because there are lots and lots of pictures of her on little pieces of paper all the time!

She looks like this:



Sometimes she liked to chop off people's heads and also she would play croquet with flamingoes a lot! Flamingoes are a kind of bird. They are pink and look like this:



I like those flamingoes the best because it is like they are making a heart! They are the prettiest birds because they are so pink!

Also here is a baby dressed like a flamingo!



Couldn't you just hug that baby all day? I know I could! I would hug it so much my wings would get tired!

So the Queen chopped off heads from people which I don't think was nice especially when they were only trying to paint the roses red, but she was also a very good cook! She made the most delicious tarts!

A tart is like a pie but not a pie. It looks like this:



Also that tart is shaped like a heart! That makes it more delicious. It is a raspberry tart. Raspberries are a fruit that is also tart. But tart also means it makes your lips pucker, so it is not the same tart as "a dessert that is like a pie." A thing can be tart but not be like a pie. It could be a lemon!

So the Queen of Hearts was making some tarts. It was also in the summer! Tarts are a good dessert in the summer if you have them with lemonade which is tart but not like a pie. Except they should not be chocolate tarts in the summer because chocolate melts in the summer.

I like chocolate tarts, though! They are delicious.

Then there was the Knave of Hearts. Knave is a word that means "mischief-maker." The Knave of Hearts is also known as the Jack of Hearts.

This is the Jack of Hearts:



The Jack of Hearts is special because he only has one eye showing in his picture. There are only three royal people who have that! The others are the Jack of Spades and the King of Diamonds. When you can only see one of someone's eye in their picture, it means they can be wild! But wild does not mean they live in the jungle like a lion. It means they are unpredictable.

And the Jack of Hearts was very unpredictable! You will see what I mean.

The Queen of Hearts made her tarts and she put them on the windowsill to cool. They were very delicious tarts. Also they were shaped like hearts like the one I showed you!

But the Jack of Hearts came around the other side of the windowsill and he just took those tarts without even asking! He took them all and ate them right up! I think that was very greedy of him and also very unpredictable. That is why you should not put your tarts on the windowsill if there is someone who only has one eye in his picture lurking around. You cannot trust them not to take your tarts!

The Queen was very distraught! Distraught is a big word that means "very sad." So when I say she was VERY distraught, it means she was "very very sad." That is extremely sad!

She was so sad she interrupted the King of Hearts. He was in his counting house counting all his money! He did this a lot because he was forgetful and would lose track of where he was and have to start all over from the beginning. So he forgot his place when she interrupted him and was very very angry. He was so angry he found the Jack of Hearts and he beat him up!

Here is a picture of that:



Now I do not think stealing is very good but I think beating people up is not very nice. Especially since they were only tarts and they could have just asked him to make another batch.

Except since the Jack of Hearts is so unpredictable, if he had made some tarts they might have been pickle-flavored. Yucky! So maybe they should have just made him pay for the tarts.

Those are the things I have to think about now that I am Queen of my own Queendom! If someone gets in trouble, I have to make up a punishment for them. I try to make sure that my punishments are always fair and not mean like beating people up. If someone stole my tarts, I think I would make them do the dishes for the cook so they cook would have time to make more tarts. And also they would have to say they were very sorry!

Thank you for listening to my story about the tarts shaped like hearts!
Hello everyone!

My name is Queen Pepita Bawkbegokk Le Fay!

I am the queen of the fairies except you should not call them that because they consider it derogatory so you should call them Tuatha or at very least the Neighbors.

Derogatory is a big word that means "insulting." Because I am a Queen I have to use big words to assert my authority and intellect.

I wasn't always a queen! For the past two hundred and six years I have been a chicken! I was raised by a kindly chicken farmer and his wife on a magical island. Technically, I was raised by several kindly chicken farmers, five to be exact, all from the same family. They were sworn to protect my secret until it was time for me to take my birthright!

This is what I used to look like:





Except that that is a Buff Orpington and the Buff Orpington didn't exist as a breed until the end of the 19th century so that is not me. I don't even exist in the end of the 19th century but since I am magical I am allowed to have paradoxes. A paradox is another big word and it means "when something that shouldn't be logical happens anyway!"

Anyway, I was a chicken and then I became a princess and then I became a Queen because my mother was a wicked, wicked lady. Now it is my job to manage state affairs and defend my Queendom from invaders and a lot of other important Queening jobs. Sometimes it is hard because I am used to pecking things but now my nose is soft and when I peck things it hurts a lot! I have to remember to peck at things with my hands instead. Hands are so funny. Sometimes I just look at them for hours and hours.

I like cake and the color pink. Also I like baby animals. Here are some baby animals for you!

Look at the fluffy baby!

Look! This is what I looked like when I was a tiny baby!



Aww. Isn't it precious?

I love baby chickies! They are all soft and yellow! I would like them better if they were soft and pink but yellow is okay too because it is like the sunshine!
This is a baby monkey! It is hugging a toy duckie!



This is a baby that is dressed like a monkey!



It is not a real monkey! But it is just as cute as a real monkey!

Monkeys and babies are the best. Which do you like better, babies or monkeys?